Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
