can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
