i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
