Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
