Say something about gay babies.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
