I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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