I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
