Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
