I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
