Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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