Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
