If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
