I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
