I'm eating all of the evidence.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
