hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
