Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
