As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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