the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
