Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
