It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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