gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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