I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
