Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
