Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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