just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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