Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
BRING THE BAGELS
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
