Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You can't special order awesome
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
