I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
