Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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