the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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