I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
