3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
