1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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