I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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