Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
operation have a gay friend backfired
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I didn't notice because vodka
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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