Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
