All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He shit in the fireplace
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