well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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