WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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