We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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