And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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