So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
