I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
