my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
