I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just high enough for therapy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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