i think my mom watched the whole time
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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