Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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