She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
