I cockslap morals
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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