What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
