do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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